People talk about leadership development as something that happens in boardrooms, training courses, and executive programmes.
But some of the most important lessons I’ve learned didn’t come from consulting, digital transformation, or complex delivery environments.

They came from being a dad.

I have three children — all brilliant, all completely different, and all needing very different things from me. For years, I treated parenting the way many new leaders treat management: I tried to apply one approach to every situation.

It took me far too long to realise that what worked beautifully for one child didn’t work at all for another.

And that’s when the real learning began.

Three Children. Three Completely Different People.

My children aren’t variations of one personality; they’re three separate worlds.

• One needs calm structure and clear expectations.

• One thrives on independence and space.

• One needs emotional connection, reassurance, and closeness.

Each one communicates differently.
Each one responds to challenges differently.
Each one shows love, frustration, pride, and fear differently.

In the early days, I missed that.
Not from lack of care — from lack of understanding.

I assumed consistency meant sameness.
But sameness isn’t fairness.
Sameness isn’t support.
Sameness isn’t leadership.

The turning point was realising this simple truth:

If I wanted strong relationships with my children, I needed to meet them where they were — not where I assumed they should be.

It changed everything.

What My Children Taught Me About Leadership

1. The same message doesn’t land the same way with every person

One of my children needs direct clarity.
Another needs context and reasoning.
The third needs softer, slower conversations.

At work, I suddenly saw the same pattern:

Some people want detail.
Some want direction.
Some want reassurance.
Some want autonomy.

The message is the same — but the delivery can’t be.

2. Patience isn’t optional; it’s an act of respect

Children rarely learn on our timetable.
Neither do teams.

I learned to slow down.
To explain more than once.
To understand before expecting to be understood.

That patience changed my parenting — and my consulting.

3. Consistency doesn’t mean treating everyone identically

Being a good dad doesn’t mean giving each child the same answer.
It means giving each child what they need.

Leadership is the same.

Fairness isn’t copying and pasting your approach.
Fairness is adapting with integrity.

4. Connection comes before correction

You can’t guide a child effectively if they don’t feel safe, supported, or valued.

You can’t guide a team either.

Trust first.
Feedback second.

5. People aren’t problems to solve — they’re humans to understand

My biggest mistake early on was trying to “fix” behaviour instead of understanding the person behind it.

Once I started listening more deeply, everything shifted.

The same happened in my professional life:
projects improved, relationships deepened, and outcomes strengthened because I stopped “fixing” and started understanding.

Rebuilding the Relationships I Have Today

I won’t pretend I got it right from day one.
If anything, I learned these lessons the long way round.

There were periods where I was consumed by work or travel.
Times when I didn’t show up in the way each child needed.
Moments I replay in my mind and think, I could have done better there.

But over time — through effort, reflection, honesty, and learning — I rebuilt the relationships I have with them today.

Relationships full of:

• trust

• respect

• humour

• support

• understanding

• and genuine closeness

The kind of relationships I’m proud of.

Not because they’re perfect — but because they’re intentional.

And that intentionality has shaped the kind of leader I am.

Looking Back

Children don’t need a “leadership model”.
They need presence.
They need empathy.
They need someone who sees them clearly.

And the same is true for teams.

Parenthood taught me compassion, perspective, patience, communication, and humility in ways no leadership programme ever could.

It taught me that people thrive when you understand them, not when you standardise them.

It taught me that great leadership is deeply human.

And it taught me that sometimes, the most important lessons in your career aren’t learned at work — they’re learned at home, one conversation, one mistake, one breakthrough at a time.